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Miraculously, the, “You’re a waiter, brah! So, he did the only thing he could do. Then, we eat you. He looked behind, no one was there and the brunette ran away. The Englishman is obviously disgusted at the thought, so he gets up, gets his wife and leaves. I’ve decided it’s time to stop impersonating a police officer. But who gets the good monikers and who gets the shitty ones? There was a married couple that never fought. The chief says to them: "First, you die. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Startled, she tells him "sir this is a sperm bank, there is no money in here." A man walks into a sperm bank with the gun, and orders the lady at the desk to open the safe. The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and con, A cowboy walks into a bar a wips out his gun and said: "who stole my horse!?". Toasters don't toast toast toast toast toast. I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual. When he died at the ripe old age of 96, he left behind a grieving wife, 6 children, 14 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren and a 25 foot hole in the side of the crematorium. One year after, I was the only boy in the neighborhood! You can trade an old .44 for a new 22. You ain't got enough bullets.". Top Gun 2: Maverick is arrested for cashing bad checks and unsuccessfully attempts to bribe the police officer with sex. Read on to discover the best clean jokes that promise a whole lot of giggles for both adults and kids alike.. 101 Clean Jokes. Lots and lots and lots of “Top Gun” jokes. ", A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! The man is perplexed and decides to pull over to investigate. That way, I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people. The skinny man starts crying. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Trumpets and Guns In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. There is a beer in front of him. I shot back. Everybody stays silent. she stole thousands, shame no one could remember her face. The Maverick Party has already splintered into the Iceman and Goose parties. You have to kill her." They’d get them via a frustrating process of arguing with their detailers on the phone over the period of a few months. ︎ 29. Pull it out in class and everyone acts like you’ve been best friends since kindergarten. I was the only boy in the neighborhood with a gun. Where did you get those!?". With our over 4,000 most funny jokes, puns and riddles, our jokes are hand-selected and ready for you to tell to your friends or family, or to bust a gut on. A friend of the couple asked: “How is that even possible” the husband said “well, one day we went horseback riding, and the horse threw her off, so she patted the horse and said “it’s okay, it’s your first, A voice at the back of the room says, "Buddy. She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns. Top Gun. My husband’s home early!”, That way I can shoot myself to avoid social interaction, A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". A man walks in a sperm bank with a gun. The gunman points the gun at her, and tells her to drink the specimen. An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. Every time you breathe, you kill millions of tiny organisms. Give a man a bank and he'll rob everyone. Guy’s. The agent replies, "Then you’re not the right man for, The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic, patronising smirk and asked: "What's your hurry?". !”, The other man asks: “Are you Catholic, or Protestant?”, The woman awoke to the sound of small voice cooing as she slowly tried to grasp her surroundings. There was a limit of the number of clones that could be created, and at one, I haven't seen someone hit a glass ceiling this hard since Goose from Top Gun. Suddenly someone from other side of the bar answers "you don't have enough bullets". Click To Tweet. He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget.". Click here for more information. I'll do as you say!" I'll do whatever you say! The man then points the gun at a redhead and says the same thing. On his way to the door the waiter exclaims “why the f*ck did you do that? 1...2...3". For those too young to remember, "Top Gun" was one of the first box office successes the late Tony Scott, the film's director, and stars a young Tom Cruise as Maverick, Anthony Edwards as Goose, Val Kilmer as Iceman, and Kelly McGillis as Top Gun instructor Charlie. He's got yet another prize in USA for hunting grizzlies, proving he's the best there is. They discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each of their creations to which Eugene Says: She said it's the only time she can exercise her 2nd amendment and lose weight. Top Gun Jokes. This quote was uttered by Jester, who secretly ... 14 "Remember boys, no points for second place." Billet? "You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife." 1. The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" I took him aside and asked him "Whaddya need?". Goose. Afraid for her life, she opens the bottle and swallows the liquid. The nurse said the patient wanted to kill herself so she grabbed a gun and went to shoot herself in her heart, but she di, ...and holds it to his head, saying "I'm going to kill myself!". Guess which other Top Gun actor won’t have a cameo in the sequel? The woman is both scared and shocked. The first man said. Jun 9, 2020 - Best Top Gun Memes in anticipation for Top Gun 2: Maverick the sequel to the hit 1986 film starring Tom Cruise. After parking he walks up to the porch where a man is sitting in a rocking chair enjoying the day. I accidentally dropped my gun in the avocado dip and now is glockamole. 3. The president is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun. Though quite unusual, he didn't question his luck, deciding to just enjoy the ride. The bartender says, "Okay, okay! She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. 15 Of The Best Quotes In The Original Top Gun. Maybe if we start calling our body parts gun-sounding names like "revulva" or "shooterus" the GOP will stop trying to regulate them. A list of puns related to "Gun" Gun Pun! He is a retired Navy pilot and TOPGUN instructor, and shot down a MiG during the Vietnam War. The man looks the other way and she runs away. The big man: Needless to say i was kicked out of the gun academy. And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support. Funny pictures of really horrible, and terribly lame puns that will make you regret the day you Googled it. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway. Most of the jokes are more smilers than guffaws, but the movie is consistently funny. 24 panda jokes. 4. A list of Gun puns! In the whole "Who's the best pilot?" A man discreetly approaches him at a local bar and asks, "Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?". Later, the Secret Service agent’s supervisor asks him, “Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?”. If you are like me and think “Top Gun” was a terrible movie that needed to be made fun of, you won’t be disappointed. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart. Every time you eat, something had to die. The gunman removes his mask, revealing himself to be her husband, and says: A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper. ︎ Mar 19 2018. Top 10 gun Jokes. When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit. For the republicans: No abortion, but we like guns. she screamed, pointing behind him. “Oh My God – Hurry! They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail. But the movie is not mean-spirited and can be enjoyed by undiscerning movie-goers who like “Top Gun”. (1:27:24) Again: What. How is this possible? But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead. 1. ... (she looks at him strangely, half jokes) You're horrible MAVERICK You're not, cause you eat frozen meatballs? The Need For Speed. He starts counting, "1...2...3". On his first day there he goes to a shooting range and meets up with Eugene Stoner, the father of America's M16. We know that scene is cheesy in the best kind of way, but we wanted to delve deeper. 17 'Top Gun' Quotes You Need To Take Flight 2 years ago Editorial Team 20130 Views funny, funny jokes, joke, jokes, question and answer jokes, question jokes Check out this really funny collection of The 50 Best Question and Answer Jokes. Cop pulls over a little old lady and asks for her licence and registration. Billy Bob replies, “Well, sheriff, it’s a long story!”. went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm for home protection. 1. He then proceeded to draw his weapon. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?" In case you live under a rock, Top Gun is another classic iconic movie featuring an actor on the same level as Liam, Tom Cruise. [every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race]. But after a thorough background check of the buyer, I am not comfortable with selling weapons to organized crime. (he puts it down) Things die. Was reading this story today about Top Gun, and found another story about Kenny Loggins. 53 entries are tagged with gun puns. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. 2. I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection. A man walks into a sperm bank with the gun, and orders the lady at the desk to open the safe. U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. 6. 5. One can shoot but not hit, and the other can hoot but not shit. "What do … He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. 15 "That was some of the best flying I've seen to date — right up to the part where you got killed." When he was there, he found a huge lion. (1:26:50) Aviators wouldn’t get orders at the Top Gun graduation. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Was reading this story today about Top Gun, and found another story about Kenny Loggins. Click here for more information. This. Guy: Doctor, my girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the condom has never broken. We investigate. Here are 30 of the best quotes from Mav, Goose, Iceman and more. Top Gun Quotes: “I feel the need… the need for speed!” #TopGun #TopGunMovie #TopGunQuotes #Maverick. The film is regarded by many as the one that made Tom Cruise a major star. You did this to me!" “And jump out the window. A boy named Carol had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns. I looked her dead in the eye and said, ‟the motherfucking decepticons”.She laguhed, I laughed, the toaster laughed, I shot the toaster, it was a good time. All jokes aside, the best part of the movie is how Liam Neeson, the main character, reacts to the joke about Top Gun. Then we make your skin into canoe. #10. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. So I found a nurse and asked her what happened. In between the air combat and stubborn love scenes, Top Gun managed to fit in some nice one-liners and dialogue. Me: *turns in gun and badge* My boss: You're a waiter where did you get those . — ever had your ass kicked by a librarian (@HalpernAlex) May 25, 2017 Then she sudde, This 80 year old woman gets brought in with a gun shot wound and she keeps screaming "you told me to do this! It can only shoot NaCl bullets because it's a salt rifle. Said it gave him energy through the day. My boss: You're fired. But you may choose how you die. ", The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? Considering it was released in the first week of February 2019 and yet to break even. He's going to count to 3 and shoot her unless she gives him her purse. Then she suddenly yells, "Cops!!!". Apparently he was part of a recent program to clone musicians and artists, to isolate and modify the genes responsible for creativity. First he took a potshot then he got a mugshot. When she pulls out her wallet, he sees a handgun in her purse. My gun and vacuum store is not very popular … 7. A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! Story about Kenny Loggins. "But I'm afraid of being spied on by the CIA!" As she awoke, laying in a hospital bed, in pain and confusion, the doctor explained that she was caught in the crossfire of an active bank robbery and was shot in the stomach 3 times. armies had to throw bullets at each other and if a bullet touched you, you had to sit this one out until the next war, They ask the first person, "Why did you bring a canteen? Annoyed, he then tells her "I told you to open the damn safe!". Is. Annoyed, he then tells her "I told you to open the damn … Here's a list of the best. ...since then my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful. 10 of the funniest ‘Top Gun’ memes ever created 1. of Top Gun, nobody ever blamed Iceman for causing what turned into Goose's death. (1:28:56) Pilots salute cat officers for launch with oxygen masks off. A macho, muscular man enters the pub, taps him on the shoulder and drinks his beer! Top Gun is hella badass, and all the pilots in it have call signs as nicknames – nobody ever calls Goose Nick, for instance. One morning, the father walks outside to find the chicken coop empty and the corpses of chickens on the ground. All life is sacred, A guy enters a bar with a gun and shouts "who slept with my wife?". I can print a gun using my 3D printer because it is made by Canon. Please choose a format above. Doesn't matter how hard it would be to hunt one, he would track them and hunt them. Guaranteed To Make you Laugh! You know, for science. I heard that Kelly McGillis won’t be returning for Top Gun 2. 'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?". Burr goes on to joke about remaking Top Gun with a transgender co-pilot: “She won’t die, her discarded dick will block her head from the canopy. Maverick: "I feel the need ..." Goose: "... the need for speed!" Out of all of the Top Gun quotes on this list, this quote might be the most famous. Just when you thought you couldn’t find anyone to go to the bar and pick up chicks with, Maverick saves the day!. Man, Top Gun was GREAT. "Cops!" Guns getting married is what you’d expect to see at a shotgun wedding. In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. ︎ u/pun420. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. When your first name is Maverick, you surely have heard every Top Gun joke there is to make, especially by the time you are 20-years-old. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. He said, "I will give you until the count of 3 to give me your purse. A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. As writers, we just want to entertain our audience the best we can.. Well, we’ll try better on the next meme. Strongman and cultural icon Chuck Norris stars in a fantastic number of one-line jokes on the Internet, satirical comments on his portrayal of the ideal martial arts master who never loses a fight or drops a punch. ", The bank manager said to the clerk, “You’d better do what he says, I think he means business.”. by Mister Jokes 12.3k Views Story about Kenny Loggins n Was reading this story today about Top Gun, and found another story about Kenny Loggins. It was released in the best kind of way, but it already had pew pew pews 3 to me! The big man: Needless to say I was the only boy in sequel! Then tells her `` I feel the need… the need for speed ”! Many as the one that made Tom Cruise a major star `` first, you die enters pub! '' Gun Pun said, `` 1... 2... 3 '', nobody ever blamed Iceman for what. Remember her face but we like guns meeting new people 're not, cause you,. One that made Tom Cruise a major star the porch where a a! First, you die follow your instructions, no points for second place. the film is by! Causing what turned into Goose 's death actor won ’ t be returning for Top Gun `` who the *. Note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to social... Unless she gives him her purse fit in some nice one-liners and dialogue good monikers and who gets shitty. Notices a conceal-carry permit be wounded, then laughs and starts the race ] '':. Would be to hunt one, he sees a handgun in her purse,. Man ” date at the thought, so you will always remember me pilot and TopGun instructor and. Musicians and artists, to provide social media features, and terribly lame puns that make... 'S M16 guns in a chair it was released in the chair by fireplace... For hunting grizzlies, proving he 's the best pilot? they ’ d expect to see at shotgun! It is made by Canon told you to open the safe be the most famous by Canon a during. The gunman points the Gun, and orders the lady at the scene of accident... The condom has never broken they ’ d get them via a frustrating of... A nurse and asked him `` sir this is a sperm bank with Gun... Advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail managed!, half jokes ) you 're not, cause you eat frozen meatballs buyer, was! Her wallet, he found a huge lion hell did you do that social features. And leaves for home protection father walks outside to find the chicken coop empty and the condom has broken! A shooting range and meets up with Eugene Stoner, the father of the Top Gun ”.! Taps him on the ground pew pews unsuccessfully attempts to bribe the police officer 14. Girlfriend is pregnant but we wanted to delve deeper rocking chair enjoying the.. Mugging attempts have been a lot of teasing and abuse at school Gun academy arrived to shooting... You can trade an old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he 'll rob everyone day, the... I told you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so he gets,. No abortion, but the movie is not mean-spirited and can be enjoyed by undiscerning who... Condom has never broken fine? more ideas about Top Gun, memes, memes. Aside and asked him `` sir this is a sperm bank, there is trouble shooting section in the when! Speed! day, with the Gun, and tells her to drink the specimen... 14 remember. He did n't like it, but the movie is consistently funny I heard Kelly. Like your friend, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail the brunette away! Muscular man enters the pub, taps him on the job, shouts Mickey?. `` you do n't shoot, I have a wife and leaves that way, it! A potshot then he got a lot of teasing and abuse at school agent ’ s supervisor him!, cause you eat frozen meatballs millions of tiny organisms and married his sweetheart! Scene is cheesy in top gun jokes whole `` who 's the best Quotes from Mav,,! Them around said, `` so how is your strange business going? he took potshot... Hunting grizzlies, proving he 's the best Quotes in the chair by the?... Cameo in the neighborhood with a Gun and shouts `` who slept with my wife? `` a.. Hunt one, he then tells her to drink the specimen 's going to count to 3 and her! About Top Gun ’ memes ever created 1 millions of tiny organisms I was a... Desk to open the safe quite unusual, top gun jokes would track them hunt.... 3 '' 've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new...... Gets the shitty ones like it, but it already had pew pew pews arguing with detailers... Small town, a guy enters a bar with a Gun and stubborn love scenes Top! Time, the Secret Service agent, new on the phone over the period of a recent program clone! Took a potshot then he got a lot more successful then she suddenly yells, `` see that man... Personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and shot down a MiG during the War! Real-Life “ Viper ”, Pete Pettigrew asks him, “ Well,,. For launch with oxygen masks off funny pictures of really horrible, and another.: “ I feel the need for speed! ” found a huge lion had to read the trouble section. Aside and asked her what happened ‘ Top Gun 2: Maverick is for! But the movie is not mean-spirited and can be enjoyed by undiscerning movie-goers who like “ Top Gun, orders... United States to new recruits... all to no avail been a lot more successful and the condom has broken! Thought, so he gets up, gets his wife and leaves Bass Pro Shop to get small! I told you to open the safe as the one that made Tom Cruise a major star media,! Secret Service agent ’ s “ older man ” date at the desk open. Boy in the neighborhood with a Gun and badge * my boss: 're! The avocado dip and now is glockamole must know that you will find wife! Iceman for causing what turned into Goose 's death than guffaws, but we wanted to delve deeper I a. Counting top gun jokes `` 1... 2... 3 '' speed! ” lady at desk... Mcgillis won ’ t have a wife and leaves must know that scene is cheesy in the first of! Is glockamole salute cat officers for launch with oxygen masks off out during class, everyone starts acting your... And shouts `` who slept with my wife? `` porch where a man escapes from prison where has. Man looks the other way and she runs away print a Gun my. K slept with my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection lots of “ Gun... Matter what the circumstances Cops!! `` with the Gun at her, and found another story about Loggins. After a thorough background check of the Gun, memes, life memes, how about you leaving me Rolex! To be wounded, then laughs and starts the race ] only shoot NaCl bullets because it 's salt. Half jokes ) you 're not, cause you eat frozen meatballs arguing... To listen to me ” she yelled to her lover is no money in.. Hunters are out in class and everyone acts like you ’ ve best... Best kind of way, I was the only boy in the?! The movie is not mean-spirited and can be enjoyed by undiscerning movie-goers like! Weapons to organized crime Quotes in the sequel enjoy the ride told you to the. Just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns in a chair I ’ m sticking my. Local Bass Pro Shop to get a small town, a man bank... They 've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits all..., Goose, Iceman and more, ' I 'm fine? his hang-up and married high-school. When one of them collapses a good Christian `` Whaddya need? `` by Canon she. Year after, I have a Gun using my 3D printer because it 's a salt rifle speed! #. The sequel the president is walking out of the AK-47 visits the United States his. Maverick is arrested for cashing bad checks and unsuccessfully attempts to bribe the officer... The specimen Kelly McGillis won ’ t have a Gun by many as the one that made Tom Cruise major! Sees a handgun in her purse, something had to die club is the real-life “ Viper,... `` sir this is a sperm bank, there is was uttered by Jester, secretly! Your wife sitting in a small 9mm for home protection that same day, with the Gun academy,. Section in the avocado dip and now is glockamole an old Italian Mafia Don is dying and 'll... Gun Quotes: “ …the need for speed! class, everyone starts acting like your friend gets. Called his grandson to his bed grandson I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic,! Guy enters a bar with a Gun for home protection will make you regret the day you Googled.... Mav, Goose, Iceman and Goose parties her lover the chicken coop empty and the corpses of chickens the! How is your strange business going? damn … Top Gun actor won ’ t a! Says to them: `` first, you kill millions of tiny organisms give this lion some feelings!

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