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The confidence gap is that place where fear and emotions prevent you from acting out your values and pursuing your goals.

None, in fact. Underlying all these messages is the belief that although the deck may be stacked against women as a group, individual women can break through the glass ceiling if they make certain choices: forego the trappings of femininity, learn the rules of the male-dominated working world, and assert themselves accordingly. For some to get more of it. By Russ Harris. In it he provides simple techniques and visualization exercises drawn from ACT – Acceptance and Commitment Training, an innovative mindfulness-based therapy.

In contrast, Harris looks at the self-confidence of Nelson Mandela who he believes that what he does matters. Rule 4: Self-Acceptance trumps self-esteem. Using techniques from ACT, Harris examines the ten rules for winners in the game of confidence including: • "Negative thoughts are normal. Overqualified and overprepared, too many women still hold back. But consider the many opportunities lost in early years because of fear and lack of confidence. Popular messaging about how women must change to appear more self-confident as a key to their success isn’t just false.

The lesson, then, is to stop telling women to feel more confident, and to instead change organizational systems and processes so that they treat men and women equally, on the basis of competence. Negative thoughts can obliterate your self-esteem. While self-confidence is gender-neutral, the consequences of appearing self-confident are not. Most of that came off the wikipedia page for ACT. For example, if fear keeps you from looking for a new job after a layoff, and one of your important values is to provide for your family, you’re in the confidence gap. The problem isn’t negative thoughts though, it’s “fusing” with our negative thoughts and seeing them as who we are. When his life was at great risk, he inspired a movement with actions of confidence, sans the accompanying feelings. Where their male colleagues are allowed to focus on their own objectives, women who are expected to care for others are shouldering an unfair load.

Guy feels like he has nothing to fear, and acts like he has nothing to fear, and we all kind of just think he’s an asshole. Which leads us to the rules.

For others, perhaps, to stop acting on it foolishly… Hey don’t look at me, I’m great. Things like “being an honest person” or “being a loving father”, as distinguished from things like “Having a big house”, which Harris clarifies is a goal, not a value. women rate themselves no lower than their male counterparts. The following year, in The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know, authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman write, “Underqualified and … When you’re in a state of “fusion” with your thoughts, improving yourself to your own standards seems maddeningly complex, and I think for a lot of people, just having a better picture of how all this mental machinery is working, would make a significant difference, if at least to show there’s a path from a to b. Journal of Marketing 1986 50: 1, 127-129 Download Citation. How we set up our expectations, how we respond to ourselves when we don’t succeed, how we respond to our fear, how we go about building experience, and what we do about the skills in our employ.

We found that even among similarly high-performing workers, appearing self-confident did not translate into influence equally for men and women. Moreover, studies are finding no consistent gender differences in self-reported self-confidence. Rule 3: Negative thoughts are normal. But “confidence” is also unwieldy. Don't fight them; defuse them. A positive and flexible mind-set that can be used by those hobbled by a lack of self-confidence. If they were less hesitant and sold themselves better, this logic goes, success would be theirs. The confidence gap is that place where fear and emotions prevent you from acting out your values and pursuing your goals. But self-acceptance, on the other hand, sees those thoughts as just something that’s happening and is perfectly natural.

Copyright © 2020 Harvard Business School Publishing. We’ll just call that a poetic summary. They are “the desired qualities of ongoing action”. And the confidence gap is an additional lens through which to consider why it is women don’t lean in.”. Literally, what you value in your ongoing existence. I put “confidence” in air quotes, because what I’m really referring to is that kind of pompous, somewhat arrogant, and decidedly loud definition. The one I think most people use.

Yet, perhaps challenging common wisdom, recent research shows no evidence of a female modesty effect.

Successful women cannot “lean in” on a structure that cannot support their weight without their opportunities (and the myth) collapsing around them. Rule 6: True success is living by your values. Rule 1: Actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later. Share. Rule 7: Don’t obsess about the outcome; get passionate about the process. Rooted in revolutionary therapy techniques, The Confidence Gap provides a practical roadmap for confronting the fears and doubts that keep holding you back Too many of us miss out on opportunities in life because we lack self-confidence. • "Hold your values lightly, but pursue them vigorously. That is, women in today’s organizations seem to see themselves as capable as men of succeeding in their professional roles. For example, if fear keeps you from looking for a new job after a layoff, and one of your important values is to provide for your family, you’re in the confidence gap. Spirituality & Practice. Don’t fight them; defuse them. It’s inspiring, too.

• "True success is living by your values. A positive and flexible mind-set that can be used by those hobbled by a lack of self-confidence. If they were less hesitant and sold themselves better, this logic goes, success would be theirs. The author explores five of them: excessive expectations, harsh self-judgment, preoccupation with fear, lack of experience, and lack of skill. Rule 2: Genuine Confidence is not the absence of fear; it is a transformed relationship with fear. Harvard Business Publishing is an affiliate of Harvard Business School. All rights reserved. In research with Margarita Mayo of IE Business School and Natalia Karelaia of INSEAD, I took a different angle on the confidence factor and its relationship to organizational influence. There are always a lot of contributing factors to who a person essentially is, how they see themselves, and how they present themselves. Research shows that women’s confidence increases more with age than men’s. Yet, perhaps challenging common wisdom, recent research shows no evidence of a female modesty effect. These are things you have to examine your mind to understand. Like I said, it’s for the every day reader and it’s easy follow. Russ Harris is a physician and therapist specializing in stress management.

Negative thoughts are a reality for human beings, we can’t eliminate them. Men are held to a lower standard. Self-acceptance is what you’re thinking of what you’re thinking about yourself. The book was ultimately an excellent read. When mindfulness, values, and committed action come together, they give rise to psychological flexibility, the ability to take effective action, guided by values, with awareness, openness, and focus. “Of course I was afraid”, Mandela said. And that doesn’t even begin to consider the effects of another body’s “confidence” on us. What are some of the reasons why people lack confidence? There are several actions that organizations can take for this purpose: Although no single study can provide a definitive understanding of gender biases at work, our results highlight the importance for organizations to monitor how high performing men and women are perceived — by their peers and especially by their supervisors — and how they progress in their careers. Gerald Zaltman. The most interesting one, I think, was the contrast between self-acceptance and self-esteem. But confidence (without the air quotes), like pretty much everything else about us, is nuanced. They want to be an honest person, but they lie when situations get tough. And one recent study suggests that the level of confidence women feel does not correlated with how confident they appear to others: in other words, women might feel really confident, but observers around them just don’t see it. Believing that you can do positive things, live by your values, and achieve your goals, is half the battle and a lot of people have given up. Of all the strangenesses of the human mind, “confidence” (yes, with suspicious quotes, too) is perhaps the most interesting to me. Companies can adopt processes, rules, and safety checks that ensure that all employees are being evaluated according to the same criteria. Women rate themselves no lower than their male counterparts in leadership-related dimensions. The idea is to notice and accept the presence of thoughts and feelings, not to try and squash them with denial or ‘positive affirmations’–which are harmful to people who most need help. Ultimately, Harris says most of us believe “I have to feel confident before I can achieve my goals, perform at my peak, do the things I want to do, or behave like the person I want to be.” It’s bunk, citing Nelson Mandela and others as an example. To be honest, I think an insightful reader could decipher the meaning of those rules without much exposition and you could imagine how one flows into the others, but Harris goes into plenty of detail. Regardless of how confident a woman feels, we focused on what we termed self-confidence appearance — that is, the extent to which others perceive a woman as self-confident.

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